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soopy452000, an indictment

August 14, 2019 — shinohai

Sometime around the exit of Bryce Weiner, the Unobtanium project acquired a new "developer" who goes by the moniker of soopy452000. Let's examine a few alarm bells on why you shouldn't let this guy anywhere near you coin, or anything to do with mission-critical code for that matter, and put this conversation to bed.

Love 'em and leave 'em. Señor soopy has a reputation of inserting himself into cryptocoin communities, making questionable code changes, and absconding with funds. Good 'ol Bitcointalk registers a complaint from a user who testifies he sold 3 billion Beecoin for LTC, left the community hanging, and moved on to Navcoin. (archived)

anotherlateminer: "Read 2 pages from here: https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=601247.msg8923728#msg8923728 BEEs have been sold in order to be used for development and there are still no signs of any development. LTC are just gone."

Telegram chats have provided a few gems as well:

A kind stranger comes to the main channel to warn what UNO might be getting into. (archived)

It didn't take long for teh lulz to manifest:

Readers of this blog already know about the war on cryptography from various "nation-states", and why you should be very careful of what tools you use when working with these items. Soopy exhibits very amateur behavior when dealing with such, from generating keys using keybase.io1 (archived), to posting unusable signed walls of text to Telegram chats that can't be verified.

Yes, this has predictable results, and clowns in this camp will likely come up with the same tired excuses to explain it. (archived)

Socialisms, like zooko.usg "dev subsidies" have no place in cryptocurrency. But that doesn't stop picadors trained in the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka from trying to print unlimited money, and hoping no one notices, as was the case with 42coin:

"What is remarkable in the history of 42, is that until the spring of 2014 the coin supply was really capped at 42, but on March 17, 2014, the GitHub user sherlockcoin (aka soopy452000) made it unlimited. He was working under KGW implementation and no one noticed this "small change"." (archived)

So there you have it folks, and the above-stated reasons are just a few examples of why I won't be trusting any code pushed by this moron to the "official" Github2, and neither should you. But, Caveat Emptor, do your own research, and decide for yourself.

Read more...

Bitcoin SV scheduled fork will increase block size to 2GB

July 23, 2019 — shinohai
Faketoshi's shitcoin "Bitcoin SV" is planning an update, called "Quasar" on July 24, and will increase maximum block size to 2GB. The upgrade will likely allow more weather app data to be stored in their "blockchain". The forecast calls for a 100% chance of lies and scams.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

Lead dick leaves Unobtanium project

July 19, 2019 — shinohai

After several days of huffing and puffing in the Unobtanium channel on Telegram, serial vaporware developer Bryce Weiner announced on twitter that he was leaving the UNO project. The wanting Weiner is known for his centralized shitcoin exchange alt.market (that will be ready any day now™®) and the "Bitcoin killer" shitcoin TAO (XTO), currently listed as "inactive" on coinmarketcap.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

Shinohai's Saturday Shitcoin Selections 4

July 06, 2019 — shinohai

The lulz in this story begin in a thread for the XJO cryptocuurency on bitcointalk. This guy suggests you can "run an entire 'DNM' on the XJO blockchain" and links to a javascript page (archived) that will happily eat your private keyz and encrypt and decrypt thingz for you!

Why this is incredibly stupid:

  1. iGolder.com should be all you need to know, but you can also google search it if you wish.
  2. No mention is made of airgap setups, and the joulecoin.info site is connected to the internet when performing crypto functions.
  3. No mention made of layering (see above), and why you should be using 4096-bit or higher rsa keys for any comms, period.
  4. Cost of 51% attacks and other lulz would be near nothing for interested 3-letter agencies.
  5. Point #1 is honestly enough to end this discussion.

"But it's so luser friendly, everyone can do it!"

There is no scenario that exists, or shall ever exist, where "paste your key here" ever becomes proper handling of cryptographic keys, and certainly not in situations that require proper OPSEC and associated sanitation procedures. This is seriously the most retarded post I've read all year, and tardstalk produces some very brain-damaged threads.

TL;DR OP is an utter moron and you should seek advice elsewhere if you use crypto in any high-risk situations.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Insecurity, Lulz

Facebook announces Libra

June 18, 2019 — shinohai

Mark Zuckerberg finally finds some webshits capable of badge-engineering a "cryptocurrency" to life, and calls it Libra

In ancient Rome, the Libra was equivalent to roughly 12 ounces. An inquiry to facebook offices as to whether Libra would be backed by 12 Oz of Mark Zuckerberg's shit spray-painted gold with a certificate of authenticity went unanswered.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Webshit

Animus iocandi

May 30, 2019 — shinohai

Telegram never fails to produce lulz, and an endless stream of scammers that scout cryptocurrency channels for marks. Since I'm an admin in the Unobtanium channel, I get plenty of unsolicited messages from institutional investors and princes from Monaco that wish me to part with my precious UNO. To wit:

Scammers suddenly get all moral when you discuss sexual acts with them. This guy supposed that blackmailing me by threatening to inform the other admins what I was up to was the solution. Fortunately, the other team members are well aware I'm a degenerate that uses unconventional methods.

This is, of course, just a sampling of the countless messages I have received. I imagined that I might end up on some sort of scammer "do not contact" list, but since Nigeria alone has a population of roughly 191 Million, it might take some time.

Bring it on.

Tags: Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Scams

Hoaxtoshi rekt by VERified address signature

May 17, 2019 — shinohai

Roger Ver gives us our morning dose of lulz with this reply over the wire to hoaxtoshi's claims:

gentoo ~/devel/bitcoin/bin/ # ./bitcoin-cli verifymessage \
16cou7Ht6WjTzuFyDBnht9hmvXytg6XdVT \
G39S6i4XsfQnixN5ePMjVPboWvGXdnW8xFFAXiwEriZFCclflbD7umP58u3Sl+dvvXC5BxBrRNkTMNf92O1UIXw= \
"Address 16cou7Ht6WjTzuFyDBnht9hmvXytg6XdVT does not belong to Satoshi or to Craig Wright. Craig is a liar and a fraud."

true

Hoaxtoshi and Calvin Ayre will likely publish a Coingeek article disputing the claims. Popcorn is on sale in the lobby all this weekend and next week.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

Binance Chief suggests bitcoin block reorg to undo hack

May 15, 2019 — shinohai

Binance CEO Changpeng Zhao actually suggested mimicking mEthereum and performing a block reorg to enable his exchange to recover from a 7`000 BTC SFYL earlier this month. Mr. Zhao apparently forgot that Bitcoin is immutable and many came out to mock his McAfee-level stupid suggestions. Blockstream CEO Adam Back was quoted as saying:

"You just have to accept that Bitcoin is final because a whole bunch of factors which we can get into, but it’s basically, you know, all of the infrastructure is set up to automatically just continue consuming and finalizing transactions. And there’s a lot of inertia and equipment that’s just running away, mining transactions, so it’s very hard. The software is not designed to undo things. The infrastructure isn’t designed to undo it. And there’s all kinds of side-effects if you did. And the side-effects are both technical and economic. "In game theory, if you can undo something, the attacker can do other things. And people who disagree with the reorg can do other things. People are very incentivized to see it not happen because they’ve seen other coins have this happen and suffer a great loss of credibility as a result. And there are also geopolitical issues that, you know, you would establish a precedent that would erode one of the major benefits of Bitcoin, being censorship-resistance, which ties back to this kind of finality of the network."

#btcinfo extends condolences to Binance and Mr. Zhao, and are so very sorry for your loss.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Webshit

Cryptopia exchange makes exit scam official

May 15, 2019 — shinohai

New Zealand based cryptocurrency exchange Cryptopia is closing up shop and beginning "liquidation proceedings" a.k.a. SFYL. Trading is suspended (again!) and the website contains only a press release this morning, which reads:

15/05/2019 David Ruscoe and Russell Moore from Grant Thornton New Zealand were yesterday appointed liquidators of Cryptopia Despite the efforts of management to reduce cost and return the business to profitability, it was decided the appointment of liquidators was, in the best interests of customers, staff and other stakeholders. The liquidators are focused on securing the assets for the benefit of all stakeholders. While this process and investigations take place, trading on the exchange is suspended. "Given the complexities involved we expect the investigation to take months rather than weeks." The liquidators are also working with independent experts and the relevant authorities with regards to the company’s obligations. Grant Thornton will be contacting all customers and suppliers about its appointment in the next few days. Further enquiries, please email liquidation@cryptopia.co.nz

The final tally of the SFYL from this long-running shitcoin trade hub will be reported in a later post.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Webshit

mEthereum mods resign reddit posts

May 14, 2019 — shinohai

A bunch of eth-huffing redditards decide to ragequit. The sound of table flipping makes it to coindesk.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

Amazon opens shitcoin service to public

May 01, 2019 — shinohai

Need your own shitcoin? AWS now has you covered with the announcement that they will open their "Managed-blockchain-as-a-service" for public consumption.

Amazon Managed Blockchain at AWS General Manager and former Microsoft Tech Support worker Rahul Pathak had this to say:

“Customers want to use blockchain frameworks like Hyperledger Fabric and Ethereum1 to create blockchain networks so they can conduct business quickly, with an immutable record of transactions, but without the need for a centralized authority.2"

Support for Hyperledger is available now, with flaming-tire-in-a-shitpit Ethereum to be launched in coming months, allowing AWS customers to choose the shitcoin service they want to facilitate flushing their money down the toilet.

Read more...

Building Unobtanium on Docker

April 17, 2019 — shinohai

This docker recipe has so far proved a stable way to get repeatable results when building Unobtanium binaries for 64-bit Linux and Windows. I am mainly making this post to reference the steps I took, as the method is applicable to most coins.

Download my unobtanium-devenv and untar it.

curl http://btcinfo.sdf.org/library/bitcoin/alts/uno/unobtanium-devenv.tar.gz | tar zxvf -

Enter devenv and build the docker image

cd unobtanium-devenv/

docker-compose -f docker-compose.yml -f unobtanium/docker-compose.windows.yml build

Go have a coffee and smoke while the container builds.

When that build finishes, start the container.

docker-compose -f docker-compose.yml -f unobtanium/docker-compose.windows.yml up -d

Find your container id and connect (as root)

docker container ls --all

docker exec -u root -t -i <container-id> /bin/bash

From the docker shell, go clone my Unobtanium repo.

git clone https://github.com/Shinoa-Fores/Unobtanium.git && cd Unobtanium/depends/

Let's do a Windows build, just for fun.

make HOST=x86_64-w64-mingw32

The process of compiling the dependncies takes about 2 hours. I usually also invoke `import colombian websluts` at this point. When I return to the terminal we are ready to build the UNO qt and cli .exe's

cd ..

./autogen.sh

./configure --prefix="$PWD/depends/x86_64-w64-mingw32/"

make

Kill another hour drinking coffee, smoking, and looking at cats on internet.

mkdir -p bin

cp src/*.exe bin/

cp src/qt/unobtanium-qt.exe bin/

Enjoy your shiny new Windows wallet. Repeat the depends step and rebuild to produce binary for any arch you have a config for.

The x86_64 Linux version lets you do nice things, like run custom .qss so I darkened the wallet. I will post this config to the blog shortly.

Have fun, and feel free to complain about this build method on irc or telegram.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, UNIX

BlockCypher reveals mETHereum hard fork lulz

March 13, 2019 — shinohai

tl;dr: BlockCypher decides to continue to offer support for Ethereum despite services being non-operational for almost a month following the recent "upgrades" to the network.

After examining every which way we could think of to add the Trie state to our Ethereum state, we asked Vitalik for assistance. His first comment to us was "oh you’re one of the few running one of those big, scary nodes." We asked him if he knew of anyone else running a "big, scary node" to see if we could possibly sync with them. He knew of no one, not even the Ethereum Foundation keeps a full archival copy of the Ethereum chain.(Emphasis added) We were back to square 1: starting the Full sync again, this time including the Trie state.

This led to stunning results:

"Lesson Learned #3: In the event of a chain re-organization, we may be the only ones to know the entire history of Ethereum transactions."

This seems to mark a developing trend of aversions to a "foundation" model though running big, scary nodes will always remain the only method to ensure a complete and accurate history of the blockchain.

You can read the entire shitty medium post discussing these lulz here if you're so inclined.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Webshit

Fiat users can now get pegged with JPM Coin

February 14, 2019 — shinohai

US Based JP Morgan Bank launches its own USD pegged "cryptocurrency" to the public. SFYL induced peggings expected to be reported in future posts. (archived)

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

BSV found to host CP

February 06, 2019 — shinohai

Fork of a fork of BTC BitcoinSV's recent increase in the OP_RETURN data size has led to unknown individuals using it to store child pornography images on the BSV chain. The images were placed into tx's using Ryan X. Charles "Money Button" service, which makes it easy to embed data into transactions. Unlike the links to CP discovered in the actual Bitcoin blockchain, the "Bigger Blocks" allow for full images to be stored immutably on their blokechain and will likely be heralded as BSV and nChain's "Killer App". (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

NEM cryptocurrency foundation "nearly broke"

January 31, 2019 — shinohai

Cryptocurrency NEM (XEM) announced it is "nearly broke" after blowing through 80 Million NEM tokens (valued at ~$4 Million USD at time of writing) in just a little over a year, which was used to advertise vaporware. Layoffs and restructuring are in the works in an attempt to save the organization, according to newly elected foundation president Alex Tinsman, and the group is begging the community for double the amount of tokens (160 XEM, ~7 Million USD) to avoid imminent doom. Ms. Tinsman promised that none of the funds would be used for marketing, though she believes scummy affiliate marketing tactics can help monetize the foundation and avoid future bailout requests. The foundation currently consists of around 200 members who pay an annual $50 fee and must dox themselves in order to vote. (archived)

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

McAfee flees U.S. after tax fraud allegations

January 24, 2019 — shinohai

John McAfee announced earlier this week that the U.S. Internal Revenue Service is allegedly charging him with felony tax evasion for 8 years non-payment of taxes, and that he will be "running his Presidential campaign from exile on a vessel dubbed "The Freedom Boat".

The first transgendered US President?

McAfee assured his followers on twitter that he would be releasing videos every day as long as the exile lasts, which leads the author to the conclusion that ample supplies of tinned penis, Xanax, and electronic equipment were provisioned in the freedom boat's hold before casting off. (archived)

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Insecurity, Lulz

mETH upgrade delayed due to vulnerability.

January 15, 2019 — shinohai
Ethereum, the gift that keeps on giving, has been forced to delay the long awaited "Constantinople" upgrade after researchers with ChainSecurity discovered a loophole that would pretty much recreate the DAO attack of 2016 all over again. This latest fail is the second time the upgrade has been delayed due to mETH devs having no idea what they are doing. (archived)

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, SFYL

mETH Classic 51% front for exchange theft

January 11, 2019 — shinohai

The 51% on the ETC network reported earlier this week appears to have been orchestrated by enterprising individuals who managed to rewrite tx history and make off with $220K USD worth of ETC from shitcoin exchange Gate.io. (archived)

The exchange reported that the SFYL occured between 0:40 Jan.7, 2019 and Jan 4:20 Jan.7, 2019 UTC and lasted a mere 4 hours.

"All the transactions were confirmed normally on the ETC blockchain and became invalid after the blockchain rollback."

US based exchange Conbase also reported a "$1 Million USD loss" of ETC using the same methods during the attack window. Gate.io announced it would be absorbing the cost of the SFYL for it's customers.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, SFYL, Lulz

ShapeShaft: One third of shitcoin exchange workforce slashed

January 09, 2019 — shinohai
Shitcoin exchange shapeshift.io announced that it is "laying off" 37 people, or around a third of its workforce. CEO Erik Voorhees wrote in a medium post that there were multiple factors included in this decision, though he may use some terms unfamiliar to readers. We will attempt to translate a few below.

According to Voorhees:

ShapeShift diversified its product line too early and in too many verticals, resulting in financial, legal, and time costs.

Translation: "We added support for just about every shitcoin imaginable and are surprised at the result."

We had customer issues. Business was declining from both aggregate market recession and increased competition. Our imposition of KYC?d accounts, themselves the result of trying to be cautious in a challenging regulatory environment, caused many of our most valuable API partners to leave us for competitors who have not perceived regulatory risks in the same way. We expected it, but still, it stung both financially and psychologically.

Translation: "We decided to capitulate to fiat demands and are surprised at the result."

2018 marked a rough year. While this new one starts upon some painful reorganization, we?re encouraged and hopeful for 2019.

Translation: "We lost so much money in 2018 we had to fire people but are still hopeful that *someone* out there that will continue to buy our shitcoin bags in 2019."

...and so on.

Headlines such as these have been trending lately, likely Festivus miracles that began with similar announcements by Coinbase, Steemit, Bitmain, and others. Other manifestations of miracles were reported by Qntra this month, where it was noted that mETH addicts were experiencing a chain reorganization with predictable results.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

ETC reports possible attack

January 07, 2019 — shinohai

A carbon copy of mETHereum undergoes a suspected 51% attack after several deep block reorgs. Naturally nothing of value was lost or ever at stake.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, SFYL

Bitmain terminates 50% of remaining workforce.

December 25, 2018 — shinohai

Rumors swirling on "executive social media" site LinkedIn hint that mining conglomerate Bitmain is slashing the size of it's workforce by 50%, most of the affected employees being part of a BTrash wallet development team calling itself "Copernicus". The company famously concentrated a large amount of resources towards supporting Roger Ver and mining the Bcash fork of Bitcoin, and are now experiencing the SFYL that naturally occurs when people chase scamcoins. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Vitalik completes meme circle

December 20, 2018 — shinohai

Buterin finally gives away some $300K USD worth of ETH as he exits school to focus on breathing new life into the mETH industry. Diploma mill University of Basel recently awarded Butern an honorary doctorate, presumably for his work in quantum computing schemes and building a product that consistently loses user funds.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

BCash continues descent into obscurity.

December 14, 2018 — shinohai

Bitcoin Cash (a.k.a BCash, Btrash) saw prices fall to a record low of $82 USD across exchanges today, representing a 98% decline from the all time high. BCash has suffered rekt syndrome since "Hoaxtoshi" Craig Wright decided to split to his own chain, known as "Bitcoin SV", a few short weeks ago. Price for this fork of the fork of Bitcoin still sits below BCH, at $74.50. coin.dance reports just slightly over 1,000 Bitcoin ABC nodes in operation at the time of this article.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Cyprian cryptocurrency charges collapse in court

December 06, 2018 — shinohai

Alexander Vinnik, operator of defunct (though recently operating as wex.nz) cryptocurrency exchange btc-e had all charges against him dropped in a Cyprian court. The plaintiffs withdrew all charges of "fraud, money-laundering, and other grave crimes" according to a statement by Mr. Vinnik's attorney. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Zcash on Coinbase, a twitter comedy in two acts ...

December 05, 2018 — shinohai

Zany Zooko gets his turd listed on Conbase. Within hours, ZEC is dumped. Lulz were had.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Scams, Lulz

How to eat shit and die, a manual.

December 05, 2018 — shinohai

Serial scammer "Bitcoin Tre" announced on twitter that he would consume his canine companion's shit if the USD price of Bitcoin isn't $10 by January 1rst of 2020. Trevon James is well known for peddling Bitconnect jenkem for r/edditards to huff, and was named in a class action lawsuit by Bitconnect losers in September of this year. Mr. James is the second individual this year that has proffered to eat unusual items, with John McAfee taking the lead by offering to eat his own dick on live national television.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Chinese Ethereum vulnerable to ancient bug

December 04, 2018 — shinohai

The NEO platform (Chinese Ethereum) was discovered to be vulnerable to the same default settings bug that caused mETH tards to have funds liberated from their nodes back in June. Chinese tech company Tencent first reported the bug, and encouraged all users to update their nodes as soon as possible, instead of correctly advising users to simply abandon the platform, and anything else remotely resembling Ethereum. Coinmarket cap lists an imaginary valuation of $532 million USD for this corn riddled steamy pile of Asian shit.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Insecurity

Filipinos to be paid in trash to collect trash

November 29, 2018 — shinohai

Residents of Manila may soon be "compensated" with mETH tokens in exchange for spending a few hours cleaning up trash on beaches in the capital city. ConsenSys, billed as the largest development firm on the flaming-tire-in-a-shitpit that is Ethereum, hopes to kickstart their Bounties Network dApp by appealing to uneducated 3rd-world users who might be tricked into believing that the tokens they receive have any value. Participants in this scheme with any intelligence at all will hopefully immediately swap any ETH received for actual Bitcoin on their preferred cryptocurrency exchange. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Malicious GasToken Minting in mETHereum disclosed

November 21, 2018 — shinohai

Quoted from the public disclosure by Level K:

This is a public disclosure of a newly discovered vulnerability. Some affected parties have already been notified in a private disclosure that was sent out on November 13th. When ETH is sent to an address, that address is able to perform arbitrary computations paid for by the originator of the transaction. This is a known vector for griefing. However, in some cases, at-risk systems such as exchanges did not put proper protections in place. GasToken, which takes advantage of the refund mechanism on storage in Ethereum, allows users to store gas when the gas price is low and receive a gas refund when the gas price is high. By minting large amounts of GasToken when receiving ETH, the griefing vector mentioned above can now be a profitable attack. Because it was unknown which exchanges did and did not have the protections in place, the private disclosure was made to as many exchanges as possible, many of which were not at risk. To our knowledge, all affected exchanges that received the disclosure have patched the vulnerability. For more information the full disclosure can be found here.

As has been documented on this blog, and formerly on Qntra (Now pretty much the BingoBoingo blog), Ethereum is a flaming tire in a shitpit that should not be used for any purpose.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Insecurity, Lulz

Vitalik gushes over scam success

October 05, 2018 — shinohai

mETHereum founder Vitalik Butterin admitted in a recent tweet that he is "really proud" that his 70% premine scamcoin has been so much more successful than his quantum computer scam.


Vitalik was quoted as saying during the initial offering that "We accept only bitcoin with no refunds for our premined ETH" a.k.a. "Fuck you, got mine".

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Mixxchain privacy falls flat

September 14, 2018 — shinohai

Mixxchain, where "Privacy Meets Scalability" has announced that as soon as they return from their roadshow and come up with some new buzzwords to inject into their website, will be taking applications for node operators on their vapourware network.

What are these innovative privacy features? Why KYC checks of course!

The founder of this flaming-tire-in-a-shitpit is David Chaum, whom the "team" section of the Mixxchain website claims is "widely recognized as the inventor of digital cash".

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Scams

Hoaxtoshi announces upcoming release of his one true final vision

August 19, 2018 — shinohai

Craig "Hoaxtoshi" Wright announced plans to release a competing version of the BTrash implementation which he calls "Bitcoin SV" that will "provide a clear BCH implementation choice for miners who support Bitcoin’s original vision". The new version - the really, real version of Bitcoin this time - will have support for 128MB blocks, despite the fact that the most blocks are less than 100KB, or 0.00333333333% of the current 32MB limit. The announcement comes in the midst of a time of increasing tensions between Hoaxtoshi and the "Bitcoin ABC" (BTrash) developers, who want to add new OP codes that Wright says will encourage illegal gambling and other things he can't patent or control. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Scams

Static address bug discovered in Ledger app

August 03, 2018 — shinohai

The Ledger hardware wallet team announced a serious "bug" in the Ledger Wallet Ethereum Chrome application, telling lusers to avoid using it as it generates a static address for everyone. But "Engineering is working on it" so they recommend using more Webshit, like MyEtherWallet, in the meantime while the company tries to figure out why webpages generate static addresses and bikeshed a solution.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Insecurity, Lulz, Webshit

Conbase Cucks Venezuelan Userbase.

August 03, 2018 — shinohai

Coinbase has reportedly cut off access to cryptocurrency withdrawls to citizens of Venezuela. Visitors to the site from Venezuelan IP's are reporting that the following message is being displayed in their browser:

This latest Conbase Cucking is one of a series of "LOL KYC/AML" mishaps that does not affect users of Actual Bitcoin

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Webshit

Indy developers announce mETH clients capable of sharting.

August 01, 2018 — shinohai

status.im, a "company" that makes useless application for the Ethereum database, has announced the release of Nimbus, a client they claim is capable of sharting. Clients capable of sharting have until now only produced vaporous farts, but developers hope it will offer "scaling solutions" for a network currently choked by numerous apps that offer no substantial benefit to any actual thinking human beings. Armchair "developers" are invited to participate on the company Shithub repository.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Webshit

Coordinated attack on Bcash VERified

June 26, 2018 — shinohai

Not content to sit back and make idle threats, a group of "Bitcoin developers, miners and whales" known as BitPico has begun stress testing the Bcash network. The group announced their intentions in a series of tweets which started June 22, stating they would be attempting a 51% attack that they hoped to amplify over time.

“We expect to have 5000 Bcash attack nodes in roughly 6 weeks and then we will multi-fork the chain. [Roger Ver] will now cry.”

Despite claiming to receive death threats from the Bcash redditards, the group seems committed to fighting fake Bitcoin and has the author's full support.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

2017 Ethereum ICO's offered insecurity-as-a-service

June 25, 2018 — shinohai

Security researchers with positive.com, which specializes in auditing ICO's, found an average of 5 vulnerabilities in each of 2017's offerings according to a recent report. 71% contained at least one or more security flaw, and every ICO that offered an app was vulnerable. One third of all web apps contained common weaknesses such as code injection, disclosure of sensitive webserver info, or insecure data transfer. Most of the lulz were due to the copy/paste development culture which is common these days, as well as just building infrastructure on the already laughably insecure Ethereum platform, the pretend blockchain of choice for scammers worldwide.

Tags: News, Cryptocurrency, Webshit, Lulz

Zcash developer creates novel Windows ransomware.

June 22, 2018 — shinohai

This week's angry attention whore is brought to you by Zcash, which was forced to pay off the sole developer of its Windows wallet to avoid a fork. Coin Desk reported that D. Jane Mercer threatened to release a Zcash competitor if he wasn't paid for his work. A ransom of 80 ZEC, or about $15`000 USD was raised by "the community" which should pay for Mr. Mercer's crystal meth habit for about a month. Zcash has not been immune to the plummeting prices in altcoin markets this year, dropping from $876 USD at the start of the year to less than $200 USD per coin currently.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

Bithumb makes sure the security resulting in SFYL

June 20, 2018 — shinohai

Executives from Yet Another Exchange Hack LTD. visit top shitcoin exchange Bithumb while they were "making sure the security". $30 Million+ USD in SFYL occurs, though the company promises to use the power of fractional reserve banking to reimburse all affected parties Buttstamp style. (archived)

Tags: Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, SFYL, Lulz

Blockchain Beanie baby bubble bursting

June 17, 2018 — shinohai

A report from Business Insider indicates that sales of collectible "CryptoKitties" on the mEthereum database are rapidly plummeting. The startup was given $12 Million USD from "Venture Capitalists" that apparently wanted to see just how much money idiots would flush down the toilet while under the influence of feline jenkem. One of the founders of CryptoKitties says the slowdown is caused by users making more "thoughtful transactions" due to the increasing costs of transacting on the mEthereum network, a side effect that occurs when one writes contracts with the ability to launch a Denial of Service attack on itself just for lulz.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz, Scams

Shinohai's Saturday Shitcoin Selections 3

June 16, 2018 — shinohai

Vitalik Butterin whines about the NSA inventing Bitcoin again, regurgitating the same claims he made in 2011.

"Malicious miners" are rumored to have liberated 5% of the total supply of Monero.

ICON - a "smart contract" on ETH - is brought to a standstill when the following feature was discovered that allowed anyone but the developer to transfer funds out of the contract:

modifier onlyFromWallet {
    require(msg.sender != walletAddress);
    _;
}

The fatal bug will likely result in a $800 Million USD SFYL to "investors" in the ICO.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

BitKup Bitcoin Betting Begins

June 14, 2018 — shinohai

Bitkup, a DAPP built upon the Ethereum database, has started a campaign hoping gamblers will be dumb enough to use a platform known for skewing results to handle their sports-betting needs. Emails announcing bets being taken for the 2018 World Cup, which starts today in Russia, began hitting spam boxes worldwide early this morning. Since the fall of BitBet, no suitable replacement has been found for anyone looking to wager with actualBitcoin.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

Enumerating geth nodes for fun and profit

June 13, 2018 — shinohai

Step 1: Download GETH and build it inside a chroot.

Step 2: Fire up geth and wait for the ethereum database to load.

Step 3: Enumerate peers running misconfigured clients and rpc consoles by running an insecure instance yourself:

dibbuk# ./geth --rpc --rpcaddr 0.0.0.0 --rpcapi, db,eth,net,web3 --dev console

Step 4: Profit. I quickly found 22 nodes listening for the entire world on port 8545, ~60% of these were located on Chinese and other South Asian mining farms. For bonus lulz you can leverage the power of virtual shrimp mining to disrupt the network whilst you pilfer the funds from vulnerable wallets.

At the time of this post, the addresses below are confirmed to have received around $22 million USD in ETH liberated by enterprising crypto pirates, and the figures still climb despite warnings not to do this shit since March:

0x09d6fd506b7eb4102182d8e4d9a3d8f3dbfa499b 
0x1234567461d3f8db7496581774bd869c83d51c93 
Ox15e4cf195Offa338ce5bc59456b3e579ed1bead3 
0x397aa69c17a7cc405a3aeeeb223158109b037d5b
0x3d985fd71a21256c7d2b618ab8a1896f10f64fcd 
0x4e0603e2a27a30480e5e3a4fe548e29ef12f64be 
0x519475b31653e46d20cd09f9fdcf3b12bdacb4f5 
0x6ef57be1168628a2bd6c5788322a41265084408a 
0x7097f41f1c1847d52407c629d0e0ae0fdd24fd58 
0x72adadb447784dd7ab1f472467750fc485e4cb2d 
0x7b09ff6548f03512dfe63a09a2673b9c25476482 
0x85545528f1d72912558f9ef72296c404afd4b18d 
0x8e4fbe2673e154fe9399166e03e18f87a5754420 
0x8f760bc9bd9748fc61c7b60ea8033037f37d44d5 
0x957cd4ff9b3894fc78b5134a8dc72b032ffbc464 
0x9b11efcaaa1890f6ee52c6bb7cf8153ac5d74139 
0x9fe173573b3f3cf4aebce5fd5bef957b9a6686e8 
0xafecd96855ec6324d7cde57babb775676e560441 
0xc1e42aa688977d386a6ce15de741e3c34ff0c500 
Oxd26114cd6ee289accf82350c8d8487fedb8a0c07 
0xe386e3372e3d316ae063af50c38704ec6fba5149

Lesson: Trust your finances to garbage written in golang with a javascript console at your peril.

Tags: Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Insecurity, Lulz

Yet-Another-Exchange-Hack LTD acquires Coinrail

June 11, 2018 — shinohai

Shitcoin enthusiasts are in the doldrums this morning with the announcement of Yet-Another-Exchange-Hack LTD acquiring Coinrail. Hackers have liberated a total of 1.1 Billion dollars in imagined value from "cryptocurrency" markets in the first half of this year alone. This address is said to belong to the hacker, and contains $14 Million USD in ETH tokens as of the time of this writing. There was no word as to whether Pope Butterin would invoke his mystical database powers and magic the hack away, as he has demonstrably done before.

Prices across all markets have been on decline since the announcement that US "regulators" are investigating scam exchange stalwarts that include Conbase and Buttstamp.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

McAfee makes personal army request

June 08, 2018 — shinohai

The John McAfee lulz just write themselves:

"Make crypto great again!"

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, Lulz

Argentine Embassy takes its show on the road.

June 06, 2018 — shinohai

Does anyone remember the "Bitcoin Embassy" in Argentina from 2014? No? Well the ecosystem has now evolved, and boy is it thriving! From the country that brought us the aforementioned "embassy", I present:

A minivan tour of the rural areas of Argentina to teach "la gente" the magic of "cryptocurrencies"!

Shortbus
Shortbus.exe

The tour plans to wind from from Buenas Aires province to La Pampa, Santa Fe and Cordoba. If the bus isn't torched by the end of that tour, the group plans to take their snake oil presentation to other parts of South America.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

Undetermined number of exploits found in EOS code.

June 06, 2018 — shinohai

A Dutch hacker, Guido Vranken, has found a dozen "dangerous" bugs in EOS code in only 1 week. Vranken claims to have actually "lost count" of the final tally of exploits found. Miraculously, EOS still sits in the top 5 "cryptocurrencies" list at coinmarketcap.com, though it was down -0.61.5% against actual Bitcoin. Unfortunately, the hacker chose to "responsibly disclose" these bugs to the EOS team instead of using the information to induce well-deserved SFYL on the participants of the scam. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

BestMixer hoping to best Shilbert's snitches.

June 05, 2018 — shinohai

An article on Roger Ver's fake news outlet bitcoin.com claims that services like Bestmixer will keep one safe from the prying eyes of Chainalysis. Lulz are linked in the article to an official tardstalk thread that Bestmixer uses to promote it's services. Chainalysis is part of Barry Shilbert's "Digital Currency Group" and assists law enforcement investigations of all things NotBitcoin.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

trb build instructions

June 04, 2018 — shinohai

I decided to make this page to preserve a copy of trb build instructions, lest the bumblers over at #Bizarro cause the whole foundation to burn. I still have my original signed genesis vpatch (October 2016) hosted here, but my copy of the build instructions is outdated. The page (as it exists of this date) is quoted below.

  

PREFACE

What's contained with in this document is a HOWTO guide on building TRB [OFFLINE or ONLINE], The Bitcoin Reference Implementation maintained by The Bitcoin Foundation. You will need an x86-64 Linux System. Gentoo, Ubuntu, and Debian have been tested with this HOWTO document. Keep in mind that you will need to have your system locale / language set to US-English. You also will need a minimum of 20Gb of disk space in the file system where you are going to do the build. To build TRB, you are going to need some basic requirements on your system environment. You also will need the following packages / binaries / tools on your system:
  • bc
  • gcc [version 4.x]
  • g++ [version 4.x]
  • gpg [GnuPG version 1.4.x, 1.4.10 preferred]
  • wget
  • curl
  • perl
  • diff
  • patch
  • rsync
  • sha512sum
  • unzip
  • bzip2 tools [including bzcat]

Read more...

Vitalk Verifies Volume Vaporware

June 03, 2018 — shinohai

mEthereum creator Vitalik Butterin was recently quoted as saying that network will eventually be able to process "potentially more than 100 million transactions per second". Butterin claims that the as yet unreleased "technologies" of sharting and plasma will allow the network to scale, despite evidence to the contrary.

VitalikButterin
I can store 1TB of sharts in my purse.

Sharting is at it's most basic a method of breaking down parts of the giant turd that is the ETH database so each node only needs to process a smaller portion of the total shit, and Plasma is basically "Lightning Network" for ETH.

Buterin further stated:

So if you get a 100x from Sharding and a 100x from Plasma, those two basically give you a 10,000x scalability gain, which basically means blockchains will be powerful enough to handle most applications most people are trying to do with them.

Such world changing applications will likely include CryptoKitties and Virtual Shrimp Mining, the two highest-volume transaction makers on the platform which recently caused the network to DDoS itself.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

Shinohai's Saturday Shitcoin Selections 2

June 02, 2018 — shinohai
Snippets of cryptocurrency fail from around the web:

Environ, a token that promised full compliance with KYC/AML regulations, goes up in smoke, taking $100 million imaginary USD of value with it. (archived)

Serguei Popov, a "mathmetician" that worked on the IdiOTA scam, removes all traces of IOTA from his webpage.

Because all scams are better with blockchain, "premium" accessory manufacturer Monster Cables decides fake Bitcoin will resurrect slumping sales. (archived)

Online events retailer Ticketfly's website remained nonoperational today as it has yet to pay a Bitcoin ransom to the hacker that uncovered it's security failings on Friday. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, lulz

Dead Crypto Idiot Reduces World XRP Supply

May 31, 2018 — shinohai

Former chairman of the New York Republican State finance committee Matthew Mellon died of an apparent heart attack on May 18th. An early "investor" in the Ripple scam, it is believed he had roughly 1 billion XRP, or the equivalent of zero Bitcoin, that is now lost forever. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

McAfee to print own fiat

May 29, 2018 — shinohai

John McAfee continues his tireless campaign to show the world what an absolute burnt-out cokehead he is by announcing McAfee Coin which he says will be "fiat currency backed by cryptocurrencies". He goes on to explain that his idea is the “reverse of what banks are attempting”, which is true since fiat institutions and the world at large tend not to accept Schrutebucks or any other play money someone prints out on a whim. No word was immediately available as to when the "collectible currency" would be available to the public, nor the method of distribution that would be used, but he assured his twitter followers that "You will love it". Mr. McAfee is well known in cryptoverse for his batshit insane ideas on crypto and support for scammy ICO's, so stay tuned to see if this idea actually generates lulz or forever remains vaporware.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency, lulz

Verge attacker whacks off new exploit

May 22, 2018 — shinohai

Verge (XVG) is under attack again using a modified version of the same exploit which previously perplexed the pornhub privacy payments purveyors. At current speed, the perpetrators are generating 18250XVG per minute, or about $950 USD. Price plummeted another 7%+ on the news according to Coinmarketcap. (archived)

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

Shinohai's Saturday Shitcoin Selections.

May 19, 2018 — shinohai

A snippet of cryptocurrency fail from around the web:

Hot on the heels of Ethereum's self DDOS, the we-are-very-smart-contract platform IOTA was reportedly brought to a halt by a single spammer. Coinmarketcap ranks IOTA at #9 on it's shitcoin index.

A Chinese blockchain tea scam results in a rougly 580 BTC SFYL.

The Satori botnet has been restarted to scan the mETH network for exposed mining rigs.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency

Virtual shrimp mining causes ETH to DDOS itself.

May 18, 2018 — shinohai

Transactions fees on the mETH network rose to $15 USD in the past 24 hours, this time due to the proliferation of virtual shrimp mining, which perfectly complement the cryptokitty and pepe farming that already places heavy load on the network. Redditards whine about 4chan memes ruining Ethereum, having still not come to the realization that the platform is already broken beyond repair.

Tags: News, Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency